we have pet lesbian snakes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
