and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
