The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
