I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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