She said her name was "party"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
