yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
