There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
