i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
