i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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