i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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