Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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