i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have already put on my inside pants.
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