do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
