my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
