Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
People in love make me want to vomit
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drunk is not a location!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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