i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
