I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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