on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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