So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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