I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
