i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
