I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
