The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
