It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
