He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
