if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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