I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
