i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
