I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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