yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
