Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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