I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
