In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
