I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
