I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
