the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
