piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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