I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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