My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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