I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
