Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
