Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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