I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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