you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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