nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
These tits shall not be calmed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
