Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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