I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
