you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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