Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
