Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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