nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
