Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
