I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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