That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
